I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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