At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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