We're like a lot better than the average bears
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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