the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
