I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize