Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
barbara walters just said penis...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
