4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
