im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
