My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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