I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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