and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
false alarm. still invincible.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
