He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize