I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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