she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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