There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
