hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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