The maid of honor just puked.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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