Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize