just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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