We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize