I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
