i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
