he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I got inside last night via doggy door
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All the doctor said was why
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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