those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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