I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize