Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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