He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
