Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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