Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
