I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
