So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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