4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
