My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
