Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
