I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
