so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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