i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there was a trapeze. enough said
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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