This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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