I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize