Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I've blown a few things in my day
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize