we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
