this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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