it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
