..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
