i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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