i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
