I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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