and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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