why im i the only drunk person in the library?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Drake has all the answers
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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