remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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