I'm going to jail i love you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize