New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ttyl tear gas
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
