I heard we made out
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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