3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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