they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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