Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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