My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
