If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
