things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I will be naked everywhere
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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