Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
