Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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