I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
