Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
