Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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