it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
