I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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