Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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