Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize