i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
