Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
