i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
