he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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